


A Before and an After

by Olivia_Ellinora



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 11:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5125022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia_Ellinora/pseuds/Olivia_Ellinora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the before she had convinced herself that she couldn’t love, and that nobody would be able to love her. Because if you don’t love you won’t be hurt either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Before and an After

**Author's Note:**

> Totally unplanned and not even read through, hence why some thing may not make sense. 
> 
> English isn't my mother tongue so excuse my terrible grammar + vocab.
> 
> Enjoy this and the NEW EPISODE today!!

_In the before Carrie had been egoistic. The job had made her feel alive so she had put it before everything else. Sacrificed her relationship with her family, and then with her daughter._

_In the before she had convinced herself that she couldn’t love, and that nobody would be able to love her. She had seen her mother walk out and interpreted it in the way that would be easiest. Because if you don’t love you won’t be hurt either._

_In the before the people around her had merely been players in the game she so desperately needed to win. Players she could manipulate. She hadn’t even thought about their feelings, the game too important._

Carrie pulled of the wig and threw it in a corner of the room, but leaving her bun intact. If someone told her that this would happen three years ago she wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow. Three weeks ago she would’ve thought of it as a sick joke. The walls of the basement seemed to be creeping closer as her breathing became laboured, she knew the signs of a panic attack and she knew exactly why it occurred. On the small tent bed lay the man who was her conscience. The man who she owed her after to. The man she for a split second, on a surreal evening a lifetime ago, had thought was her after. She panicked because she had a life now, a life that didn’t involve him. A life she wasn’t only satisfied with but a life that she loved, with her daughter and Jonas. He turned and made a grimace when pain hit him and she held her breath waiting for him to open his eyes. She wondered if he would find his after and she panicked because in that moment she realized that she wanted to be the one who gave him it.

XXX

_In the after Peter Quinn looked out for others. He helped old women crossing the street. He followed those who walked home alone in the dark, on a safe distance. He gave his change to homeless people. He sent money to Julia and he wished her a good life._

_In the after he went to his parents grave._

_In the after he killed only bad guys. He couldn’t get out but he chose the missions that would lead to a better world. In the after he started to believe in a better world. Believe in alteration._

He awoke from his slumber and his assassin senses told him that something was off. He let his gaze sweep over the dark chamber and felt his pulse go up. Then he saw her and everything came back. The mission, the woods, the shot that he had taken in his torso. When the adrenaline-rush faded he felt the thumping that spread whenever he moved an inch. She had fallen asleep with her head against the wall, the wig thrown in a corner. She looked worn out and he hated it. Her countenance was the same as when he had met her on the airport after Teheran and just as then all he wanted was to take away the pain. Comfort her, whatever the cost. She was his happiness and his faith. He had hoped she was his after.


End file.
